New Music Monday

Some of the better video clips of the last few days:

Regina Spektor – Better

Regina’s Begin To Hope album is two year’s old now but she’s still plugging away at the singles. Which is a good thing, because there’s barely a duff track on her record. This single, which features him out of the Strokes on guitar, has been polished up to make it more radio friendly (i.e. slightly more bland) but it still rocks our socks.

Modest Mouse – Little Calm

The third single from their patchy, nautically-themed album We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank, which features former Smiths guitarist Johnny “not Andrew” Marr. One of the most thoroughly depressing videos you will see all year.

The Killers feat Lou Reed – Tranquilizer

The first single from the band’s outtakes and rarities album Sawdust, which comes out later this year. No proper video yet, sadly, but the song is packed full of meaty goodness like a rock sausage.

Alicia Keys – No-one

I still love this single and this storming live performance from Jay Leno’s chat show is awe-inspiring. No-One stands a good chance of being my top R&B song of the year – beating Amerie and Rihanna into a cocked hat. Indeed they could be knocked into any type of hat, penis-related or otherwise.

Fergie – Clumsy

A bag of old pants. And that’s just Fergie’s face! (guffaw).

New Music Monday

Some of the better video clips of the last few days:

Regina Spektor – Better

Regina’s Begin To Hope album is two year’s old now but she’s still plugging away at the singles. Which is a good thing, because there’s barely a duff track on her record. This single, which features him out of the Strokes on guitar, has been polished up to make it more radio friendly (i.e. slightly more bland) but it still rocks our socks.

Modest Mouse – Little Calm

The third single from their patchy, nautically-themed album We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank, which features former Smiths guitarist Johnny “not Andrew” Marr. One of the most thoroughly depressing videos you will see all year.

The Killers feat Lou Reed – Tranquilizer

The first single from the band’s outtakes and rarities album Sawdust, which comes out later this year. No proper video yet, sadly, but the song is packed full of meaty goodness like a rock sausage.

Alicia Keys – No-one

I still love this single and this storming live performance from Jay Leno’s chat show is awe-inspiring. No-One stands a good chance of being my top R&B song of the year – beating Amerie and Rihanna into a cocked hat. Indeed they could be knocked into any type of hat, penis-related or otherwise.

Fergie – Clumsy

A bag of old pants. And that’s just Fergie’s face! (guffaw).

The Grammys: In pictures

I really have very little to say about the Grammys. I watched the 2-hour synopsis of the ceremony last night, and even that seemed like extended aural torture.

U2 clearly had to restrain themselves from killing Mary J Blige as she systematically ruined their one decent song.

There was general confusion, and the air of a ramshackle last-day-of-term show, for the the ‘tribute’ to Sly and the Family Stone. Sly himself looked particularly discombobulated, probably because of the industrial amounts of coke he’s shoved up his nose over the last 35 years.

Stevie Wonder did his joke about taking his glasses off, the better to see a pretty lady (again(. And Madonna displayed her gusset for the all world to see (again).

As is par for the course at these ceremonies, mediocrity was heavily rewarded. Green Day’s “Boulevard of Broken Dreams”, for instance, was clearly not the record of 2005. Nor was U2’s “Sometime You Can’t Make It On Your Own” the song of the year. And what is the difference between those two awards, anyway?

I could ramble on about this for days, but in the end the awards make little or no difference. Especially ‘Best Polka Album’. What we’re really here for are the frocks – so let’s take a look:

Stefani: Hollabump girl

Kanye: Tells it like it is
(In all seriousness, this man needs taken down a peg or two. We used to beat up the cocky kids like him at school. And we were the nerds.)

Sting: “I’ll fight you for that mushroom vol au vent”

Madonna: GUSSET!

Joss Stone: “Does anyone know how to get superglue off your chin?”

Jamie Foxx: Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum

Mariah: She’s got the horn(s)

Fergie: Face or fish? You decide.
(Oh, alright, it is a fish. Sturgeon, I think.)

Missy: Cool as ice-cream, and the only deserving award-winner of the night (best video for Lose Control)

Beyoncé: Prom queen (again)

Macca: “Help! I’ve dislocated my hip.”

Grammy Nominees: Full list of winners

Celebrity cherry picking

Unashamedly stolen from the PJ messageboards, who pilfered it from US Weekly, here’s a list of when and how your favourite popstrels lost their virginity.

What’s surprising is how many of them waited for “the one”, which kinda ruins the illusion of those Hollywood sex parties we’d always imagined.

Ho hum.

Jessica Simpson:
At 22: “Something about our wedding night was so magical! He pulled me out of my dress, and the dress was just standing there on its own because it was a Vera Wang masterpiece.”

Justin Timberlake:
“I’ve been doing this since I was 15…I enjoy it, and I praise it.”
(“I praise it”??? What kind of person speaks like this? Is he talking about his penis? Sheesh)

Britney Spears:
At 18: “It was 2 years into my relationship with Justin [Timberlake], and I thought he was the one…but I was wrong! I didn’t think he was gonna go on Barbara Walters and sell me out.”

Jessica Alba:
At 18: “I was told I was nasty or dirty if I was sexual in any way.”

Fergie:
At 18: “I’ve always been a very sexual person, I’ve always had to hold myself back…I lost my virginity at 18. But that took a lot of willpower.”
(In what way did it take a lot of willpower? Did she have to force herself on some reluctant dweeb? Somehow, we don’t think so.)

Pharrell Williams:
At 16: “We worked at McDonald’s…She was an older lady, 28 or 29.”
(Romantic, non?)

Tommy Lee:
At 13: “It was the girl next door–my sister’s best friend.”

Tara Reid:
At 17: “It was down at my Jersey Shore beach house…on the sand. It was disgusting. Four hundred mosquitoes. I had hives everywhere.”

Carmen Electra:
At 16: “It was in Cincinnati in the back seat of a car. It wasn’t glamorous…I actually felt bad I didn’t wait longer.”
(Well, exactly. Five more minutes and she could have done it in the comfort of her own home.)

Oh, for shame

Splosh! Did Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas wet herself on stage?

More pics of pisspants stains here

Phwoar! Charlize Theron joins the Pussycat Dolls burlesque revue.

More pics at Justjared.com

More on the Pussycat Dolls at this Carmen Electra website

Ewwww! Craig David slips the tongue in on Friday, chills on Sunday.

Elsewhere:

Smooth Criminal: Michael Jackson sells his story to OK! Magazine for $2m. (nb – Michael Jackson has been cleared of any criminal activity – smooth, crunchy, or any other variety – by a court of law.)

Leave Right Now: Will Young has lost his pants.

Come Towards Us: Nellie McKay will release the follow-up to her debut album, Get Away From Me, in October. You should pre-order it now.