Apparently this isn’t a single, or a buzz track, or an official leak, or an unofficial leak, or a leak and potato soup, or a leaky tap, or a tap-dancing leek, or a leaked wiretap, or [that’s quite enough of that – ed].
Janet’s people say it is “just for fun”. In fact, it’s barely a song at all.
Janet ft Pitbull – HeartBeatLove
You can download it from producer Rodney Jerkins’ website, if you’re interested.
I was jammy enough to be sent to Manchester last night for the opening night of Lady Gaga’s first headling tour of the UK. It was predictably grandiose and grotesque, but I generally felt like a rubber-necking outsider, rather than an special invitee to The Monster’s Ball. That could have been because I had my “professional” hat on (it’s a sombrero, in case you’re interested) or it could have been down to opening night nerves making the performers concentrate on hitting their marks, rather than reaching out to the audience.
Anyway, enough jibber-jabber. There were 20 (20!) journalists at the MEN Arena in Manchester, and here’s what the ones who survived their hangovers enough to bash out a few paragraphs had to say:
“Right up until the wire there was a mad panic” (Digital Spy)
“For the third act she wore her most bonkers costume, resembling a tasselled lampshade.” (The Sun)
“Gaga herself is on imperious form, displaying a powerful singing voice not readily apparent on the album” (The Independent)
“Muppet Wonder Woman” (BBC – clearly the most insightful review in this list)
“A dishwasher overheated in an MEN Arena kitchen, and the fire brigade were called.” (Manchester Evening News)
“It still leaves every other pop star looking a bit wan by comparison.” (The Guardian – who liked this phrase so much they used it twice)
“Her piano burst into flames during her song Speechless – which is exactly how many of us felt.” (Mirror)
“Hold on to your hairdo, this is one helluva ride.” (The Times)
Aussie rock critic Robert Forster has a great little book out called The 10 Rules Of Rock and Roll, which collects together some of his musings for The Monthly magazine, a few new articles, and some (admittedly not-so-great) attempts at fiction.
Forster is a rare thing – a music journalist who takes every song on merit, refusing to cow to received wisdom and cliché. He’s as comfortable writing about Delta Goodrem as he is about The Beatles, and he treats artists both with equal respect.
His titular 10 Rules definitely bear repeating:
1. Never follow an artist who describes his or her work as “dark”.
2. The second-last song on every album is the weakest.
3. Great bands tend to look alike.
4. Being a rock star is a 24 hour a day job.
5. The band with the most tattoos has the worst songs.
6. No band does anything new onstage after the first 20 minutes.
7. The guitarist who changes guitar onstage after every third song is showing you his guitar collection.
8. Every great artist hides behind their manager.
9. Great bands don’t have members making solo albums.
10. The three-piece band is the purest form of rock and roll expression.
Since reading that (and snorting into my lemonade), I’ve been trying to compile a similar list for pop music. Here’s where I’m up to:
1. The worst singer in a girl band will have the biggest media profile.
2. Terrible bands can make great pop records.
3. Everyone mimes. EVERYONE.
4. Artists who “take pop music and make it edgy” have desperately misunderstood the point of pop music in the first place.
5. Bands who have reunited: We don’t give a shit about new material.
6. Unless you are Take That.
7. No words will ever be more expressive when set to music than “la, la, la”, “woah-ah-oh” and “na na na na”.
8. The person who gets the choir and the falling petals in the X Factor Final will be the person who wins the X Factor Final.
9. The perfect length for a pop song is 3’49”
10. Even tedious indie snobs know all the words to Baby, One More Time.
That’s what I’ve got so far. Any changes, additions or recommendations?
There’s still manic mania here at Discopop Towers – but I have had the chance to put some “year end” podcasts on in the background, leading to some new discoveries of songs that came out six months ago. Here are two favourites: K’Naan, a Somalian rapper with more hooks than a fishmongers, and Fanfarlo, who are basically a happier, English Arcade Fire.
Also, you should check out Rolling Stone’s 100 Best Songs of the Decade. It’s almost perfect.
Despite their reputation for dinner party trip-hop, Massive Attack have always been stubbornly uncompromising. They twisted Madonna’s playboy sexuality into something gloomy and depraved on her cover of Marvin Gaye’s I Want You, and smothered Shara Nelson’s honeyed vocals with the paranoid chatter of the inner city on Unfinished Sympathy.
Their new record, Paradise Circus, is the sonic equivalent of dirty bed linen. The sultry strings and languid handclaps are underpinned by a pulsing bass so filthy, it can only be interpreted as a pace-setter for one of Sting’s marathon rumpo sessions.
Hope Sandoval, on vocal duties, barely has to raise her voice above a whisper, so seductive is the backing track. But, of course, her purring come-ons only make matters worse. Not that the lyrics are particularly filthy. In the era of Britney Spears offering her fans a threesome and Katy Perry snogging up her ladyfriends, this is positively chaste. But see if you can listen to it without lossening your collar.
The video, however, has none of this subtlety. It is full of extremely graphic shots from vintage porn films – intercut with an interview with a grandmother who is reminiscing about her career as a prostitute and adult film star. It’s great, powerful stuff, but it’s not for family consumption. Unless your family name is Fritz.
The full, uncensored clip is available on the Brooklyn Vegan or Stereogum blogs. But, please, swallow whatever you’re eating before you click those links. I don’t want anyone choking and suing me.
* bassline, you perv
That’s the question being asked by the excellent, data crunching Times Labs Blog today – and, surprisingly, they conclude that recording artists make more money today than they did five years ago.
The figures show that, while record labels are suffering, concert promoters, songwriters, venues and musicians are all doing just fine, thanks. And maybe the labels would be better off themselves, if only they could stop haemorraging money on things like suing music fans, or booking a first class plane ticket for Bono’s hat, or releasing records by Noah “and the Whale”.
Anyway, the Times’ analysis is worth a click if you’re into that sort of thing.
Quite literally…
Yes, the video for the starts-off-dodgy-but-ends-up-amazing Bad Romance has been unveiled after scenes of palpable apprehension on certain parts of the internet.
Lady GaGa’s site even crashed last night as people tried to log on to watch the (stunning) clip, only to find it wasn’t going up last night after all. Imagine the strain the website must be going through now as they try to dish out thousands of video streams every second. As we said, very wittily, on Twitter last night “Let’s have some fun, this beat is sick, I’m looking for a good webhosting solution, preferably with Linux and dedicated servers.”
Anyway, the point is, when was the last time we witnessed this sort of sweaty, sticky anticipation for a music video? Like A Prayer? Scream? Spice Up Your Life? Pure And Simple?
To be honest, it was probably the one for Britney’s Gimme More, or but that turned out to be rubbish, so let’s turn a blind eye to that and talk about how Lady GaGa’s latest is HISTORIC and RECORD BREAKING and TEH BEST VIDEO EVUR because that sort of uncritical hyperbole is what blogs are for.
The video can only be experienced by visiting the official Lady GaGa website: AND HERE IS THE LINK.
A few things to ask yourself while you are watching:
1) What, if anything, has this video got to do with the song?
2) Has Lady GaGa really sold seven million albums?
3) Can I be bothered to Google her album sales to check?
4) I probably can’t, can I?
5) Shall we just assume its true for now?
6) Still, seven million album sales in a year. Isn’t the music industry supposed to be on its knees?
7) Where can I get me a pair of those heavily featured Lady GaGa headphones?
8) Did I just catch a glimpse of nipple?
My four-months-in-the-making interview with Marina And The Diamonds has just gone up on the BBC website. It contains the phrase “wingo wango”, But it does not contain Marina’s video (due to a soon-to-be-corrected administrative error).
I suggest you click on this link to open the text piece in a new window, then watch Marina’s three official videos, which I’ve pasted below. They’ve been on the blog before, but that hasn’t stopped them from being astonishingly good.
Thanks,
mrdiscopop
Marina And The Diamonds – Mowgli’s Road
We last checked in with Chi-town rapper Kid Sister back in May 2005, when her day-glo debut Pro Nails popped up on Kanye West’s Can’t Tell Me Nothin’ mixtape.
Since then, she’s been working on her debut album, Ultraviolet, and working part time in a children’s clothing store. We’re not saying the two are connected, but the schizophonic soundclash of her new single Right Hand Hi suggests she’s having a tartrazine-induced musical tantrum.
That’s a good thing, though. The record grabs your attention, then dunks its head in the toilet, puts electrodes on its nipples, wraps it in fariy lights and takes a polaroid to send to your boss. Which is just a fancy way of saying we like it.
Another way of saying that is: “It’s the noise you’d get if Missy Elliot belched Lady GaGa’s Poker Face on a kazoo”
Oh, forget it, here’s a clip:
If you like it, it’s probably coming out on a CD at some point this year, but why wait for that old technology when there’s a free, legal download at RCRDLBL today?
Temporary Fix 