Justin Timberlake: Motherlover

JT seems to be reluctant to go back into the studio for anything other than guest appearances and comedy parodies these days, which is a river-crying shame. His latest effort is Motherlover – a sort-of sequel to Saturday Night Live viral hit Dick In A Box – and it is definitely not one for the office.

“Can’t wait to pork your mama
I’m-a be the syrup, she can be my waffle”

This will probably remain active on Youtube (youtube) for about five minutes. After that, you’ll have to do your own google search (also ill-advised at work).

EDIT 14/05: Here’s a working version. Long may it last.

Justin Timberlake — Mother Lover
by WESTSIDEFORLIFE

Grammys = crushingly boring

If there’s one thing the Grammys does well, it’s making rock and roll seem like the planet’s most pointless and boring pursuit.

The 2009 ceremony opened in Los Angeles last night with U2 – who played a terribly important rendition of their terribly important new single Get On Your Boots. They projected the lyrics onto a big screen, even though the lyrics are a load of turgid old bollocks. “The future needs a big kiss”?? Whatever you say, Bono.

Things barely improved when Justin Timberlake joined Al Green for a lacklustre Vegas lounge version of Let’s Stay Together. We were also teased with twenty seconds of MIA’s excellent Paper Planes before TI, Jay-Z and Lil Wayne came out and shouted a load of nonsense all over the top of it. MUSIC FAIL!

Estelle’s run-through of American Boy, meanwhile, was notable only for Kanye West’s haircut tribute to Bobby Brown.

There was some light in the dark, though. Coldplay got Jay-Z on stage for an awkward/brilliant rendition of Lost+, and Radiohead’s Thom Yorke started Vogueing (?!) during a marching band-assisted version of 15 Step.

The best performance of the night was probably the Motown medley, featuring Jamie Foxx, Ne-Yo and Smokey Robinson. You can’t really go wrong with a bit of Motown, of course, but as Stereogum noted in it’s liveblog, you couldn’t see the tracks of Smokey Robinson’s tears “because the plastic on his face is water-repellent”.

Katy Perry also turned up to do her thing – her thing being the ability to wear amazing costumes (with actual watermelon breasts) while not singing very well. She had at least spent some money on the set, which is why I’m posting her video and none of the others. So there.

All the news outlets are going on about how Robert Plant was the big winner but, for me, the most interesting winner of the night was Jimmy Sturr & His Orchestra. The gourp picked up the best polka award for the 18th time — meaning he’s won it two out of every three years since the Grammy committee invented the prize.

Keen to find out more, I went to Wikipedia, which helpfully notes that Jimmy is the “Irish son of a local bank president” and “the band has also played at many famous casinos”.

Here’s what you’re missing:

Grammys = crushingly boring

If there’s one thing the Grammys does well, it’s making rock and roll seem like the planet’s most pointless and boring pursuit.

The 2009 ceremony opened in Los Angeles last night with U2 – who played a terribly important rendition of their terribly important new single Get On Your Boots. They projected the lyrics onto a big screen, even though the lyrics are a load of turgid old bollocks. “The future needs a big kiss”?? Whatever you say, Bono.

Things barely improved when Justin Timberlake joined Al Green for a lacklustre Vegas lounge version of Let’s Stay Together. We were also teased with twenty seconds of MIA’s excellent Paper Planes before TI, Jay-Z and Lil Wayne came out and shouted a load of nonsense all over the top of it. MUSIC FAIL!

Estelle’s run-through of American Boy, meanwhile, was notable only for Kanye West’s haircut tribute to Bobby Brown.

There was some light in the dark, though. Coldplay got Jay-Z on stage for an awkward/brilliant rendition of Lost+, and Radiohead’s Thom Yorke started Vogueing (?!) during a marching band-assisted version of 15 Step.

The best performance of the night was probably the Motown medley, featuring Jamie Foxx, Ne-Yo and Smokey Robinson. You can’t really go wrong with a bit of Motown, of course, but as Stereogum noted in it’s liveblog, you couldn’t see the tracks of Smokey Robinson’s tears “because the plastic on his face is water-repellent”.

Katy Perry also turned up to do her thing – her thing being the ability to wear amazing costumes (with actual watermelon breasts) while not singing very well. She had at least spent some money on the set, which is why I’m posting her video and none of the others. So there.

All the news outlets are going on about how Robert Plant was the big winner but, for me, the most interesting winner of the night was Jimmy Sturr & His Orchestra. The gourp picked up the best polka award for the 18th time — meaning he’s won it two out of every three years since the Grammy committee invented the prize.

Keen to find out more, I went to Wikipedia, which helpfully notes that Jimmy is the “Irish son of a local bank president” and “the band has also played at many famous casinos”.

Here’s what you’re missing:

Ladies’ chart battle – and more!

Sorry the blog’s been a bit underpopulated for the last couple of days – I’ve been poorly sick. But here’s a few things you might have missed (or seen elsewhere while I was away, natch).

:: Is this the biggest battle of the pop divas in the history of the cosmos?

Big guns Britney, Beyoncé, Christina Aguilera and Alesha Dixon (and Leona Lewis) all have singles out this week, while Girls Aloud have squeezed out their fifth studio album. Chart-wise, it looks like X Factor’s not-quite-as-awful-as-you’d-expect version of Hero will be number one again, with Girls Aloud’s The Promise at two and Beyonce’s gramatically-incorrect If I Were A Boy at three. Meanwhile, Out Of Control looks set to beat Razorlight to the top of the album charts, giving Girls Aloud their first ever non-compilation number one. Amazing. [More on the midweeks at Music Week]

:: Jamelia has a comeback single, Break It Down, Tear It Up. It’s miles better than the confused mess of her last album – but is it good enough to put her back where she belongs (somewhere between The Saturdays and McFly on the bill for T4 on the Beach)? The jury is out. [listen / download]

:: Another track from the Killer’s new album, Day & Night, has leaked. No surprises here: Too many synths, Brandon Flowers not very good at singing, the track itself = brilliant.

The Killers – Spaceman

:: It’s like a blogger’s wet dream – M.I.A. covers the theme tune to The Wire. Sadly, it’s rubbish. [Youtube (youtube)]

:: Is this a new Justin Timberlake single? Hmmm… it sounds a bit like a FutureSex/LoveSounds cast-off to me.

:: The NME has published its annual “cool list” – with entries for Jay-Z, Liam Gallagher, Amy Winehouse and, er, Peter Gabriel. The number one slot, as is customary, goes to someone the NME is trying to justify having put on their front page in April, despite the fact they’ve made absolutely no impact on anyone, anywhere in the intervening six months. This year, it’s Alice Glass from Crystal Castles (they’re like the Human League with all the tunes taken out). As Stereogum points out, the NME have once again confused “cool” with “notorious”. [Stereogum]

:: A Kiss Is Not A Contract – but a baby is a life sentence (in a good way, obviously). Flight Of The Conchords star Jemaine Clement is a dad. Congratulations. [3 News, New Zealand]

:: Lukewarm S Club 7 reunion is lukewarm. [Popjustice]

:: Oh yes, and there was a completely historic, paradigm-shifting, momentous election in the US. Barack Obama is President elect (Yay!!!) and Will.i.am has written a song about it (woop!). And so has Nas (respect) and so has Seal (er, hooray?!)

Back to business as usual from tomorrow…

Gnarls Barkley: Run video

Justin Timberlake is at something of a loose end, it seems. He keeps cropping up in other people’s songs and videos like an over-enthusiastic dad crashing a teenage party and offering to mix up a batch of cheeky vimto.

His latest escapade is on the set of the Gnarls Barkley video, where he plays a hep and happenin’ TV host from back in the day. Note the Beat It-inspired leather jacket.

Yes, that’s right, Justin still wants to be Michael Jackson…

Gnarls Barkley – Run

The song itself is a pretty funky slab of gospel-soul-psychedelia – recalling the likes of Smiley Faces from GB’s debut album. What’s great is that this track would never have stood a chance of getting radio play without the head of steam built up by Crazy two years ago. It’s good to see an established act that doesn’t try to toe the commercial line and instead releases something daring and fresh. I wonder how Run will fare chart-wise?

Gnarls Barkley: Run video

Justin Timberlake is at something of a loose end, it seems. He keeps cropping up in other people’s songs and videos like an over-enthusiastic dad crashing a teenage party and offering to mix up a batch of cheeky vimto.

His latest escapade is on the set of the Gnarls Barkley video, where he plays a hep and happenin’ TV host from back in the day. Note the Beat It-inspired leather jacket.

Yes, that’s right, Justin still wants to be Michael Jackson…

Gnarls Barkley – Run

The song itself is a pretty funky slab of gospel-soul-psychedelia – recalling the likes of Smiley Faces from GB’s debut album. What’s great is that this track would never have stood a chance of getting radio play without the head of steam built up by Crazy two years ago. It’s good to see an established act that doesn’t try to toe the commercial line and instead releases something daring and fresh. I wonder how Run will fare chart-wise?

Video meltdown

Alicia Keys shows Britney how its done at the MTV awards:

NSFW: Justin Timberlake’s other award-winning video of the week
(warning: you will laugh out loud)

Video meltdown

Alicia Keys shows Britney how its done at the MTV awards:

NSFW: Justin Timberlake’s other award-winning video of the week
(warning: you will laugh out loud)

Some distracting materials from the internet!!!1

Because Fridays are all about mucking around on the web and waiting for the moment you can run out the office door and go to the pub. Don’t forget your jacket.

The Spice Girls are (still) back! They have all put on something black and lined up in front of a man with a camera, who pressed a button and took a photo, which he sent to their record label, who asked the Spice Girls to approve it, which they did, and then the proof was scanned and given to a press person, who sent it to journalists, who put in on the internet. And then I copied it and pasted it here. Look:

While appearing on Conan O’Brien’s US chat show to promote his new comedy I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry, Adam Sandler was asked to introduce a clip from his new movie. Conan then played a scene from a gay porn film, featuring men who get off on fattening each other up. Nice:

Play your favourite 1980s aracde game here. Paperboy is still a work of unfettered genuius.

Uberblog Pop Star Poetry imagines Ray Winstone meeting up with Amy Winehouse:

To The Ivy for lunch
With Quentin Tarantino
We rap about political
Subtext in The Beano

Onetime discopop fantasy figure Mary Louise Parker bares (almost) all to promote the upcoming season of Weeds. But is that really her bottom?

“Angelina Jolie is the best woman in the world because she is the most famous woman in the world“. Esquire magazine writes the worst celebrity profile in the world.

Listen to the fantastic remix of Justin Timberlake’s Lovestoned by dance supremos Justice. A gazillion better times better than the original, I swear.

Take a look at this clickable map of Lindsay Lohan’s slow-motion self-destruction and ask yourself the following question: “Is this the future of interactive reporting, or just sickening voyeurism?”

What are Tom and Katie doing in this photo?

Olive branch for Britney?

While the media slowly help Britney towards an early grave in Malibu, at least one person is thinking about how to get maximum exposure for their new album how they can help the fallen pop angel.

That person is Timbaland. You may have heard of him. He’s that producer bloke that keeps saying “I am Timbaland” over the top of otherwise decent records by Nelly Furtado and Justin Timberlake. Here’s his take on Britters:

“I feel her pain, it really bothers me,” he said in an interview with Entertainment Weekly magazine in the US. The reporter doesn’t reveal whether she was a little bit sick in her mouth at that point.

“I’m the type of person who tries to save the world. I just want to take her away, go overseas, and work (it) out.”

I’m not sure how taking Britney overseas would help save the world. Maybe she’s got a bomb in her trousers?

“I just want to hold her hand,” continues Timbo – who is about to go on tour with Justin Timberlake. “I want her to be in my camp, to be around Justin. I need Justin to talk to her. Help her, please!”

Wait a minute. Didn’t Justin used to go out with Britney, or something? …[five minutes later]… I’ve just checked it out and apparently, yes, he was linked to Britney for a couple of years. It’s amazing they didn’t make a bigger thing out of that at the time.

“I asked Justin: ‘How would you feel about me working with Britney?’,” says Timbaland. “I said: ‘Would you do it with me?'”. According to Entertainment Weekly Justin replied that, yes, he would. And he’d help Britney out, too.

The main question here – given the ridiculous gossip surrounding Britney’s every move – is whether this story has any truth in it at all. Sensing that it may be a complete fabrication, news agency the Associated Press tried to check it out. Here’s what they say:

“Timberlake’s spokeswoman, Sonia Muckle, referred inquiries to Timbaland’s spokeswoman, Monique Idlett, who didn’t immediately respond to a phone call”.

Of course, they ran the story anyway…

There is, however, some real Britney news today. Her website has just relaunched with the following picture:

Oh sweet Jesus, what has she done to her feet?!?!?!?