Is the pop revival going to happen?

If we’re to believe the pundits, electro-pop is going to be the big thing in 2009. Roisin Murphy must be hopping mad. Goldfrapp have thrown away their lutes. Kylie is thinking “maybe someone will buy my records again”.

Personally, I remain to be convinced. A lot of the hotly-tipped artists are making anaemic, tinny synth pop with incredibly slight melodies. Imagine a weedier version of Hot Chip, and you’re in the right ballpark (nb: these artists would not be seen in a ballpark as it would “play havoc with their allergies”).

Here are three of the aforementioned hot tips. They’re definitely cool, I’ll almost certainly load them onto my iPod, but I just can’t see them in the top 10. What do you reckon?

La Roux – In For The Kill

La Roux is Elly Jackson and co-writer and co-producer Ben Langmaid

Elly has a trendy haircut

On second thoughts, it’s a terrible haircut

We’re not in France, you know.
Official website

Cocknbull Kid – I’m Not Sorry

Cocknbull Kid is 22-year-old Anita Blay

She’s “the lovechild of Morissey and Neneh Cherry” (Nenissey??)

She DJ’d at the Sugababes album launch, which was terrible
Official website

Ladytron – Tomorrow

This lot have been around for a decade

If they can’t have a hit, why should any of these other bands?

But we still like Little Boots
Official website

Is the pop revival going to happen?

If we’re to believe the pundits, electro-pop is going to be the big thing in 2009. Roisin Murphy must be hopping mad. Goldfrapp have thrown away their lutes. Kylie is thinking “maybe someone will buy my records again”.

Personally, I remain to be convinced. A lot of the hotly-tipped artists are making anaemic, tinny synth pop with incredibly slight melodies. Imagine a weedier version of Hot Chip, and you’re in the right ballpark (nb: these artists would not be seen in a ballpark as it would “play havoc with their allergies”).

Here are three of the aforementioned hot tips. They’re definitely cool, I’ll almost certainly load them onto my iPod, but I just can’t see them in the top 10. What do you reckon?

La Roux – In For The Kill

La Roux is Elly Jackson and co-writer and co-producer Ben Langmaid

Elly has a trendy haircut

On second thoughts, it’s a terrible haircut

We’re not in France, you know.
Official website

Cocknbull Kid – I’m Not Sorry

Cocknbull Kid is 22-year-old Anita Blay

She’s “the lovechild of Morissey and Neneh Cherry” (Nenissey??)

She DJ’d at the Sugababes album launch, which was terrible
Official website

Ladytron – Tomorrow

This lot have been around for a decade

If they can’t have a hit, why should any of these other bands?

But we still like Little Boots
Official website

New band: Scarlettes

In our more realistic moments, we have to acknowledge that Girls Aloud and Sugababes are nearing the end of their “shelf life” (nb: this doesn’t mean that their boobs are starting to sag, although that’s inevitable, too).

What we need is a hopeful set of young replacements waiting to steal their pop crown. But, at the time of writing, there doesn’t seem to be anyone willing or able to step up to the plate.

Unless you count the Saturdays, which we don’t.

However, yesterday we read on the Popjustice forums stumbled across a new three-piece called Scarlettes, who may find pop ubiquity within their grasp. Here is what they look like:

Reasons why they could be big:
1) Photograph is a step-by-step illustration of how to use hair curlers.
2) Genre-smashing mix of girl band pop and dance music.
3) Have attitude of early Bananarama.

Reasons why they might flop spectacularly:
1) Photograph looks like three Primark models caught in a freak hurricane.
2) Unique dance-pop blend already perfected by Freemasons and Beyonce.
3) Have attitude of late-period Atomic Kitten.

The Scarlettes are currently “being developed”, so their career could head down either one of those two routes. If you want to take an early listen, a medley of their demos is available on the Myspaces.

And here is a clip of the band singing over Eric Prydz’s Pjanoo. (Warning: may result in waving of glow-in-the-dark sticks and blowing of rave whistles).

Scalettes vs Eric Prydz – Pjanoo Fever

Dirty to the bone

The world’s oldest boyband, Take That, have the number one single and album! Well done, pop purchasers of the UK (let’s just brush over the stifling mediocrity of the whole enterprise for now, shall we?)

While you’re back in the mood for buying fantastic records by proper pop stars, let’s not forget that Jamelia has a new single out today and it is flumping brilliant.

Buy it here and do it quickly, before this dribbling shit of a song takes over the world.

Konichiwa, bitches!

Hey! The tagline at the top of the blog has changed at last. For the past year, it’s been a line from Girls Aloud’s Biology (I’ve got one Alabama return that’ll take me far away from you, fact fans). The replacement is a line from the Rakamonie EP by Sewdish pop starlet Robyn.

You might remember Robyn from her insanely catchy top 10 hit, Show Me Love, in 1998. The song was a big success in America, too, and Robyn looked to be on the brink of becoming an international pop star.

But just as she was about to embark on a tour with the Backstreet Boys she fucked off back to Sweden – having been diagnosed with “exhaustion”. And there she stayed, releasing records that couldn’t raise so much as an eyebrow outside the Scandanavian borders. Which is a shame, because they were really quite good indeed.

Consequently, Robyn went into a big huff and quit her record label – with plans to set up her own company. This is the point where such stories usually end… If you’re George Michael or Prince, you spend so much energy wrestling control of your career from the big suits at Sony and Warner that you forget how to write good music and take the first bus out of town to the dumper. But Robyn has cuaght a completely different bus (or maybe she used a bike – I hear they have great cycle lanes in Sweden) and she’s on track to reinvigorate her career.

The first three tracks on the Rakamonie EP, out last week in the UK, sound just like Missy Elliot doing Work It after drinking four litres of fizzy pop and inhaling a lungful of helium. Robyn, like Missy, has a knack for writing playful, inventive lyrics and a kooky approach to production. And, after the EP’s initial triumverate of Euro-rap tracks, there’s a touching torch ballad and a ragtime cover of Prince’s perv classic Jack U Off.

You would not, it is fair to say, catch Kylie Minogue doing this sort of thing. Even in private.

Sadly, you will not be able to find this pop gem in the shops, because the shops are now shit. Instead, you can stream the whole thing on Robyn’s website or buy it on iTunes. I recommend that you do.