Janet’s Feedback video = good

Janet Jackson’s latest video is out there on the internot and, praise be, it’s a right corker.

Defying Jackson convention, the clip starts slowly as Janet apparently pays tribute to Super Mario Galaxy by jumping around a few planetoid-shaped objects. She even appears to slip off one of them about 40 seconds into the track, but that’s intentional, isn’t it?

After she gets all that Wii out of her system (shnarf!) the real choreography starts about 2 minutes into the track. And you should definitely stick around for the post-fadeout, CGI-enhanced dance breakdown – with Janet looking all curvalicious in a head-to-toe crimson catsuit.

British director Saam Farahmand (New Young Pony Club’s Ice Cream, the Klaxons’ Magick) also manages to avoid catering to any of Janet’s tedious sexual preoccupations. Well, at least until the very last freeze frame, which appears to feature Janet amidst a flood of of sperms (all done in the best possible taste, of course).

The video seems to have leaked a bit early on Yahoo’s US website, which loads the video intermittently if you have the patience to keep pressing the refresh button. The following embedded video may or may not work, depending on the prevailing wind.

I’ll update with a Youtube link once it’s officially set free online – which should be after the premiere on BET at 6pm EST tonight.

New Janet Jackson artwork

What message is Janet trying to send here? Is it:
a) My new record label are spending a lot of money on this album.
b) I am Daft Punk, and anyone who says I’m not is lying.
c) Look everyone, I’m singing out of my twat!

Wonders will never cease

Against all expectations, Janet Jackson’s new single has leaked and it is really, really good. Called Feedback, it’s apparently produced by Rodney Jerkins (Destiny’s Child, Brandy, Spice Girls).

MP3s are all over the internet already. There are some good quality ones at Kevipodmusic.

What to expect: A techno-tinged R&B dancefloor track, with beats big enough to slap a grown man off a bicycle. Nonetheless, it’s a fairly safe, club/chart track – and very reminiscent of recent Britney singles. If the song started “It’s Janet, bitch”, no-one would be surprised.

What not to expect: Janet to be any less obsessed with her body, sex, or her body having sex.

Best lyric: “I’m flyer than a pelican”

Most awful lyric of all time: “I’m heavy like a first day period” (I seriously hope I mis-heard this)

In summary: A definite return to form – but I think Janet can do better. Fingers crossed for the album (out next February).

PS: If the MP3 link doesn’t work, the song is now streaming in full quality on Janet’s website. Cool new logo, too…

Clicklist

Prince plans to give away his new album for free on the cover of the Mail On Sunday (an odd choice, but what the heck). This has thrown the record shops into a frenzy of hatred. “It would be an insult to all those record stores who have supported Prince throughout his career,” said the co-chairman of the Entertainment Retailer’s Association.

I’m slightly baffled that Prince should feel any obligation to these people, whose principle role in his career has been to fleece £5 off the price of his albums to line their own pockets. Am I missing something?

Here are some photos of Lindsay Lohan not looking pissed or stoned. Bryan Adams clearly has great timing.

Listen to Tom Baker having a strop and doing a swear while he records the voice-over for an ad:

Janet Jackson is recording her new album with the Neptunes. Is it too much to ask that it isn’t a steaming pile of dog-shit like the last one? Probably, yes.

Favourite headline of the week? Stab victim ‘continued masturbating’

TMZ got hold of Paris Hilton’s prison canteen request form. If I am ever sent to jail – and there are many, many reasons why I should be – I want to go to one where a servant goes to the canteen to get you emery boards. Wonder what the vaseline was for?

On a related note, here is Hilton’s non-disclosure agreement.

Charlie Booker on losing his Glastonbury virginity: “At 3am a group of post-pubescent upper-middle-class music-industry gitsacks pitched their tent beside mine, and no power on Earth could make them stop braying witless bullshit at the top of their idiot lungs. One of them had a bassoon.”

Hooray! Amy Winehouse is releasing my second-favourite song from her Back To Black album… Here’s the video:

Amy Winehouse – Tears Dry On Their Own

Right, I’m buggering off to France for a week. See you when I get back!

Clicklist

Prince plans to give away his new album for free on the cover of the Mail On Sunday (an odd choice, but what the heck). This has thrown the record shops into a frenzy of hatred. “It would be an insult to all those record stores who have supported Prince throughout his career,” said the co-chairman of the Entertainment Retailer’s Association.

I’m slightly baffled that Prince should feel any obligation to these people, whose principle role in his career has been to fleece £5 off the price of his albums to line their own pockets. Am I missing something?

Here are some photos of Lindsay Lohan not looking pissed or stoned. Bryan Adams clearly has great timing.

Listen to Tom Baker having a strop and doing a swear while he records the voice-over for an ad:

Janet Jackson is recording her new album with the Neptunes. Is it too much to ask that it isn’t a steaming pile of dog-shit like the last one? Probably, yes.

Favourite headline of the week? Stab victim ‘continued masturbating’

TMZ got hold of Paris Hilton’s prison canteen request form. If I am ever sent to jail – and there are many, many reasons why I should be – I want to go to one where a servant goes to the canteen to get you emery boards. Wonder what the vaseline was for?

On a related note, here is Hilton’s non-disclosure agreement.

Charlie Booker on losing his Glastonbury virginity: “At 3am a group of post-pubescent upper-middle-class music-industry gitsacks pitched their tent beside mine, and no power on Earth could make them stop braying witless bullshit at the top of their idiot lungs. One of them had a bassoon.”

Hooray! Amy Winehouse is releasing my second-favourite song from her Back To Black album… Here’s the video:

Amy Winehouse – Tears Dry On Their Own

Right, I’m buggering off to France for a week. See you when I get back!

Calling all pervs

Perv over this, you pervs.

Yes, it’s the five Girls of Aloud dressing up in school uniforms to fulfill some pathetic male sexual fantasy support Comic Relief. How thoughtful of them.

Also (and how did I miss this yesterday?) here is Prince’s Super Bowl tribute to Janet Jackson’s underpants malfunction of 2004.

My, what a large instrument you have Mr Rogers, etc, etc. (Innuendo fans: by instrument, I mean ten foot giant devil’s cock)

Get reading

Some links from the world of the internet to keep you entertained this Tuesday.

::George Clooney loses his closest personal friend and frequent bed partner – a pig called Max. No, really.

::Amerie kills a senator, wears ill-fitting stockings, in her new music video.

::Janet Jackson finds ten grand down the back of her sofa. That’s about $9,000 more than she got from sales of her last album.

::John Peel gives advice on how to break into radio, courtesy of fansite John Peel Every Day.

::Beyoncé is giving voice to the “desperation and aspiration in contemporary black women’s popular culture” and “challenges century-old American myths about race, class and gender”, according to the most pretentious album review in the history of the written word.

::Rip Torn, arrested on a drink-driving charge, gives the mug shot of the year, his raised eyebrow suggesting: “You think I care about this? My agent is calling David Letterman right now, shitbags”.

::A voucher for free booze! Or, at least, 40% off your stash of eggnog courtesy of Threshers. (Yes, it is real)

::Britney Spears rounds off the week she spent flashing her lady garden at the paparazzi by dancing badly, and for no reason, in a restaurant. Doesn’t she have a two-month old baby at home?

Instant review: Janet’s 20 Y.O.

As you may have spotted, I’m a massive Janet Jackson fan – going right back to the days of Control, which was released when I was (eeek!) eleven years old.

Janet’s new album 20 Years Old marks the anniversary of the release of Control and it’s out today. Being something of a traditionalist in these matters I have held out ’til the release date and bought it in a shop, on a CD.

Given that the two singles have been pointless drivel, I’m not holding out much hope for the 12 new songs but I’m going to give it a try, and I’ll take you along for the journey.

Lucky you.

1. Introduction A tape rewinds. Clips of classic Janet tracks are played in. Janet says there’s no theme for this album. She just wants to have fun. Me too.

2. So Excited We’ve heard this before, and it actually sounds a lot better than the MP3s that have been floating around. My hopes are raised just a little…

The song features a cheeky old skool drum beat, complete with orchestra hits and saucy little rap from Khia. But the melody is paper-thin and, despite Janet’s declaration, this song is about something. It’s about sex.

3. Show Me If you want a piece of Janet, you’ve gotta work for it. That’s the message here. Oh, and also, Janet likes sex quite a lot.

4. Get It Out Me The title suggests this could be an ode to the rhythm method of contraception. Sadly, no. “Boy don’t you stop. You found my spot,” sings Janet. She has had approximately seven orgasms in the first ten minutes of this album…

5. Do It 2 Me …But she’s not finished yet. Honestly, the woman has a one track mind. And that track is definitely not Jermaine Stewart’s We Don’t Have To Take Our Clothes Off (To Have A Good Time).

6. This Body This one’s about a porn mag. Seriously.

7. 20 Part 2 (interlude) By virtue of the fact that it has no lyrics, this is the first track on the album that doesn’t concern doing “it” over and over again until your mimsy is raw.

8. With U A ballad! And clearly an attempt to recreate the sound and success of Mariah’s We Belong Together. It’s nowhere near as good, obviously, but quite sweet nontheless.

9. Call On Me First single. We all know this. And none of us likes it – it bellyflopped into the charts at a lowly number 18 yesterday. The album version is mildly better, like chicken pox compared to shingles.

10. 20 Part 3 (interlude) Incomprehensible conversation between Janet and one of her friends. Skip!

11. Daybreak This is more like it. The first composition solely written by Janet with her long-time collaborators Jam and Lewis. It harks back to the mood of Escapade and Runaway, with a light carefree tune and lyrics about Janet sneaking out to meet her boyfriend after everyone has gone to bed. This woman is 40. How strict are her parents?

12. Enjoy Oh, this is brilliant. The first track on the album that makes me feel like dancing. Another Jam & Lewis production, I note. The backing track sounds like a sample, but there isn’t one listed. That’s how instantly familiar and wonderfully catchy this is. If you’re downloading one track, it should be this one.

13. 20 Part 4 (interlude) There is a contractual obligation for every Janet album to feature a track which consists solely of rain sound effects.

14. Take Care A spiritual successor to ballads like Lonely and Any Time, Any Place. Janet is, once again, in a sexy mood. “Only you can fill my needs,” she says to her absent lover. “I’ll lay here and take care of it till you come home“. Too. Much. Information.

15. Love 2 Love This is just utter bollocks.

16. (outro) 20 part 5 With all seriousness, Janet intones: “Time flashes by / like lightning in the sky“. Ahahahahahahahaha. Hahahahaha. Haha. Ha Ha Ha Ha. Ahahahaha!

In conclusion, then – 7 😦 out of a possible 10 :(‘s

Don’t you just hate it when…

People trick you into taking cocaine?
First Kate Moss and now Janet Jackson. What is the world coming to?
[via suicide girls]

Your boyfriend prefers Winona Ryder?
That’s what Matt Damon told former beau Minnie Driver – or so the actress told Graham Norton on his new TV show this week. She also admitted that’s why she did Winona’s voice in an episode of South Park. Somehow, I admire her even more for that.

Pop icons get disastrous hair-cuts?
Oh, Madonna! What have you done?
[via justjared]

Your friends find out about your secret Hanson obsession?
“Living a secret musical life is a blast — until somebody borrows your iPod for the gym, or you’re playing music for a party and someone peeks at the list of most-played songs,” says Wall Street Journalist, Jason Fry.
[via wsj.com]

You realise you’ve been playing solitaire on your PC for nine billion hours?
And you still haven’t won yet? [via BBC]

America gets all the best TV shows first?
Dear Channel 4,
Why do I have to wait ’til next year to see Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip? I may explode before then.
Yours,
mrdiscopop

PS I’ve already seen this clip on the internets. It’s not helping me be any more patient, you know.

Not video of the week: Janet – So Excited

In which Janet’s clothes fall off.

Again.